Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
