therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
