we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
