can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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