I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize