I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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