i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
