Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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