My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize