God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
