If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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