I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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