I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
