if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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