Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
