i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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