Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
