sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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