Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
