too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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