and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize