Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
