so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
