I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
