He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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