i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
