he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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