I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
