Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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