He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
