Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
