ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
