Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I checked into jail on foursquare
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
