I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
