Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
