i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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