I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
