my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
