I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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