Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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