The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love having hate sex.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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