thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
