so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
