I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
