He is an equal opportunity slut.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
