drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
