dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
