I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
