I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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