I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
