Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
