The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You are a genius and a whore.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
