I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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