Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
