I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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