Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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