watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
