bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
