I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize