just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
