I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
