i just had sex bonerless
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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