This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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