Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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