"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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