I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
