And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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