This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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