is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
