Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
