I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we're so committed to being not committed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
