I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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